I don't want to make waves...for that is not my intention. I truly believe you can deliver a message, convey a thought in a manner that is not vulgar and disrespectful. However, I am saddened by the lack of respect some ostomates have for the thoughts and beliefs of others. Whatever happened to the old adage "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? People openly put their thoughts, beliefs, and feelings out there, and others respond with theirs. Isn't that the whole point of a forum? There are no right or wrong answers, yet some feel so threatened by others' views that they have to openly and privately be rude, obnoxious, and just plain distasteful! So now we are losing a very dear member for a while due to these things! Well, excuse me for saying that is just bull****, and I am very disappointed in your mean-spiritedness, closed-mindedness, and just lack of etiquette! Kenny, I and I know a lot of others on this site will miss you. Come back soon and keep in touch!
saddened and frustrated,
J.J
When the remark was made that someone's great grandfather fought for the country's freedoms... isn't one of those "freedom of speech"? I do not agree with a lot of what is said under the protection of that right, but the right to say it is something we have to protect for everybody. Not just the people who say the things we like to hear.
People that try to silence others are being bullies and taking away that very freedom. I have always loved this... because it is so true.
First they came
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out --
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out --
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out --
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me -- and there was no one left to speak for me.
Martin Niemoller
So even if my opinion is not the "popular" one... I will continue to speak out... and hope that if the day ever comes, someone will do the same for me.
PEACE... for everybody... Shelia
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Why Join MeetAnOstoMate?
First off, this is a pretty cool site with 37,000 members who truly understand you.
It's not all about ostomy. We talk about everything.
Many come here for advice or to give advice, others have found good friends, and some have even found love. Most importantly, people here are honest and genuinely care.
🛑 Privacy is very important - we have many features that are only visible to members, ensuring a safe and secure environment for you to share and connect.
Create an account and you will be amazed by the warmth of this community.
Children have bowel problems as well; they have to read the posts with swearing in them. I have advised a friend whose child has had recent surgery not to let their child read any posts on here. I hope the admin will remove the posts with swearing in them.
Follow our 9-point hospital discharge checklist.
Noted and thanks for the tip. You are right, and I should not have put that in there. I honestly did not think about children reading this. Thank you, Lobster, for making me more conscious of that fact.
J.J
Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister
Kids these days know and use more swear words than most adults. And if they are that young, maybe the parents should be monitoring what they read. Since it is a majority of adults on here, why should we not be able to give our opinions the way we want? JJ wasn't that out of line. Just a thought.
However, dear panther, with all due respect, have you ever considered that some photos and cartoons can also be offensive, as well as the language people use? Just another point of view to ponder.
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J.J
I will forgive you, J.J. lol (((hugs)))
Some kids do know more swear words than adults, but not all. Mine wouldn't get a slap across their face if they were swearing. Parents should be here with children, but posts can be added as you're reading them.
Yep, I know what you mean. Some of the pics/cartoons and jokes can be rude. I always say to friends with kids not to let them read the jokes. I always read them
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LOL...(((HUGS)))!!!! Thank you, Panther... I appreciate your points of view, and challenging thoughts and banter. Thank you for being so light-hearted and not taking offense.
J.J
Learn ways to adjust to life after ostomy surgery.
I have a funny feeling that the alleged attack was a misinterpretation based on what was going on inside the mind of the beholder.
Our minds do not like gaps. If a gap is perceived by the mind, it will be filled automatically. And depending on what that mind is also contending with, the filled gap will be colored by these other issues. If one is dealing with pain, for example, the gap will be filled negatively.
While it would be prudent to take a breath and insist the alleged attacker expand on what he/she means, ideally almost to the point of exhaustion, "What do you mean by that?" isn't exactly the first thing that comes to mind when someone is dealing with pain or some sort of emotional distress or whatever that is more or less consuming the beholder's world.
When one is not feeling well, the outward perceptions of the world are altered by this and similarly so are our thought processes.
I am not trying to make an excuse, but will hopefully encourage further civil discussion about this, either in general or whatever specifically happened.
Panther, it appears you give a lot of advice to your friends with kids. And I noticed you have none. No one who has never had them, no matter what the situation, should ever give advice to those who do, especially single moms. Kids don't pop out with a how-to manual in their hands. I'm sure your friends feel the same way. Again, just a thought.
Unfortunately, because of my health problems, I have never had kids, but my nephew lived with me from a newborn baby until he was 6; my ex had 2 who lived with me for 3 years. I have always, and still do, treat them like my own. It broke my heart when they left.
J.J. made a good point.
You might consider that a rude or vulgar approach at times is just what the doctor ordered.
For example, I see questions on here that I would say are as basic and commonsense as can be. But the questions are asked, so the person must have a need to know.
I give it to them fast and hard, sometimes perhaps using "colorful" wording.
I do it because I want it to stick. I would like some of the folks on here to take control of their own destiny rather than have the ostomy control their lives.
As far as the kids reading, sure there may be a few. I can assure you. If the kids have been out playing with other kids, you would most certainly be shocked by what they learn about sex and the "colorful" words at a very young age.
I don't read every post, however, I don't remember seeing that much vulgarity here.
As the one poster said, he/she may not agree with what is being said or how it is said. However, all certainly have the right to express their opinion.
Just another opinion.
Good luck
Rick.....
Perhaps the folks that administer this site (or someone else) might consider creating a separate website for children with ostomies.
Okay, I will assume this is directed to me. At the risk of a public stoning... please show me where I was vulgar to Kenny. He asked a question, I tried to explain. He got bent out of shape. I even told him to "not take offense" at the answer. He is a grown man after all.
Copy and paste the offensive statements in a mail to me. We must remember that when two adult men talk politics, there might be some ruffled feathers. The solution is not to hide and sulk. I did not, and every liberal on this forum took a shot at me. Now, you may line up with those stones... peace all.
It was not meant as a public stoning...and it was not meant towards you...
JJ,
I thought your post was thoughtful and well-reasoned. It started a great thread and has led to healthy dialogue.
I learned a lot from this thread, and I think that what everyone is talking about has more to do with acknowledging that things got out of hand with the political thread and perhaps we might want to consider some new ground rules for listening and respecting each other. Having different opinions on a subject shouldn't be seen as a threat. Calling people names and lashing out viciously, however, is pretty much universally considered out of order. So in the future, we should consider doing something besides that.
By the way, my son is gay. I couldn't be any prouder of a son or think any better of him if he happened to be hetero. I could have gotten all in a fit myself at the homophobic tirade that was lashed out at Kenny, but I realized none of that was about me or my son or even about Kenny. It was about the person lashing out. And each one of us has one of those spots that can be touched and hurt. Kenny does, J. Maree does, I do, we ALL do. Frankly, I have more respect for the person who will say, "Hey, I don't like that, I'm going off somewhere else for a while." That's much better than reacting to the pain by hurting others in whatever way you can come up with.
I'm not trying to keep the 'shit stirred' (I must admit I do like that expression though). We are never ALL going to like each other, but I think we should try to be respectful of each other because it is a public forum and there are all kinds of people on here that have the same right as we all do to be here.
And yes, I miss Kenny too.
This site is for adults, not children. It used to be somewhere you could air your opinion with whatever words you felt like using. It was fun! Now, several people are getting all bent out of shape. If you don't like it, don't read it; that is my motto. I have read political, religious, and sexual posts that I didn't agree with, but bless the person's right to express themselves! So, I also will be taking a leave.
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eddie
Ok, I must agree with this statement. I think we can all reason that Ken "pushed her button" as they say. I can tell you that because I have too and caught the dickens for it.
The words said were in anger and totally out of character for this kind and gentle woman.
Do not transfer any anger for me or my views to her. I can assure you that neither she nor I care what anyone does in their own bedroom. That's your own business. Now, let's focus back on me... Anyone care to discuss the spotted owl or snail darter? I've had them both and think the owl is quite nice deep-fried... {just kidding} Peace all.
Ken, check your private messages.
Hey Eddie, you aren't going anywhere; nobody is. Now quit loading that squirrel rifle—we'll need that later if the Russians invade us—and get back in here, woman.....
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Hello G., I have been looking for an excuse to get out the old long rifle. You know us redheaded hillbilly women, we figure if you can't run with the big dogs, stay under the porch! I was hoping you would offer me some of that shine. Hee hee!
eddie
Wow... I sure missed something that happened around here... hope everything is cool now, whatever went down... but one thing is for certain, JJ is super cool and sweet, so I know it must have been something big and well worth her post here, or she would not have said anything. Major kudos to our JJ for bringing it up. I will have to do more reading to find out what happened unless it's gone... hopefully, somebody was 'bounced' again, thankfully Admin is very good about cleaning up things like that. Can you imagine what a frustrating job that is, to maintain a big site like this? I would never have the patience to do what they have to do.
There are some topics in this thread I personally don't generally discuss socially simply because of the strong angles of energy that can explode; it never fails, certain things I don't speak of with friends or family... heck, politics and religion alone are two subjects I leave out of conversation most of the time, even with those closest to me... and racism and attacks against gays don't go over well with me either... two of my BFFs are gay, and I know what crap they have to deal with by hateful people, and you know how I am when a friend is being attacked or humiliated, I don't sit still for it at all. So, at any rate, whatever happened, I hope the dust has settled and peaceful ground is found or re-created... as we all continue to march onward and learn from each other, hopefully. Luv yahs!
~Your Doe
I will not offer a thought on anything that has occurred earlier because frankly I would not like to give a person any credence for a post that I found not only homophobic but just purely embarrassing.
I have no problem with MMSH or his opinions, and I think he conducts himself in a civilized manner, even though we tend to disagree on many things. But that is life, and there will always be conflict among humans as they go about their daily lives. That is life as we know it.
But I probably should have pointed out that the comments made by another were the real issue as opposed to throwing the scent elsewhere. My fault, and I apologize for that. I have no problem, as I said, with MMSH or his posts, as I find them stimulating material at times for me to carry on with my socialist views. Just joking before this descends into warfare again.
But rest assured, I am not here to be a whipping boy for someone who wishes to ignite their flames of hatred upon.
Ken
Great post, Ken... again, I don't know what happened in here, nor will I ask. The general 'upset' seems to be a bit scattered and confusing for someone like myself who just stumbled in... but your last line is a powerful one, and I like it very much. High-five coming at you, bro! Hope you don't leave the site; you have too many friends here!
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That was a very crude and rude comment you made at Panther... and quite unnecessary...
...and untrue...
An uncle raising children is by no means beneath your feet; his value and input is profound. He has parenting qualities that far outshine many biological parents I personally know. ... There are positive and helpful suggestions everywhere, from people who have children as well as those who do not. Panther has a gentle loving nature, the patience and open-mindedness, the dedication, responsibility, and sincerity... and the experience raising children... and he was most certainly not deserving of that blow. Not cool.
Hatred??? Come on, Ken, do you propose that anyone on this forum truly hates you? Your problem is you simply won't quit beating a dead horse. Your personality is abrasive.
Some people deal with this type of personality differently. Take the family dog, kind and gentle...poke it with a stick...not a hard poke...poke it again, and again...hmmmm...what happens next? You will get bit...now who is at fault? Clearly, the dog bit you......right??
In this situation, we must examine the dog. Has he bitten others??
The solution is not to kill the dog, but to put down the stick.
Let me say, that I also have a strong personality and could be considered abrasive. So this is not a slur, simply stating a fact. Perhaps that's why you and I don't agree on many things; we are too much alike. Peace all.
I could not agree more with those sentiments, Doe. I have a friend who married a girl with children and became probably the best father I could imagine, though they were not his biological offspring. Furthermore, I have had single friends over the years offer up the most profound advice concerning children, probably due to their own childhoods; I am not sure.
If we follow this line of thinking, are the only people who know about rearing children and how to do it correctly parents? Give me a break, as I could find millions of children out there who would disagree, probably including my own. It is extremely presumptuous to believe that you have to be a parent to know how to raise a child or, for that matter, to have an opinion about children. Before my daughter had her boys, she was a teacher and had some of the most insightful theories on raising children, so I would never question anybody's ability to understand the intricacies of raising a child.
It probably comes down to respect.
Abrasive? Come on, G, I think abrasive is sometimes used incorrectly when other words are more fitting. A person who is passionate about their beliefs is only abrasive to people who do not give them the right to have those thoughts. Your beliefs are the polar opposite of many of mine... I still think you are one of the best people I know... some of that is based on some of the "good" things you did share. Some based on my own "good feeling" about you... I never considered you a "hard-hearted" man.
So I ask, who really is "poking the dog"? (I guess I am the dog) Because every rude remark and racial slur seems like a poke or jab... and your analogy was a good one. Even the usually gentle dog (me) eventually "snaps".
I do not agree with the things you believe so deeply... but if anyone ever said you could not say them... or called you a shit stirrer for saying them... I would defend you. It would be more offensive to me for someone to run you or anyone down for speaking their mind... that is when you might have to loan me bail money. Or get me out of the pound! LOL I suspect you would do the same if someone said those types of things to someone you care about.
That is what your ggggg grandfather fought for... your right to freedom of speech. And yes, there are still people who will speak up for you to have that right... Me
Shelia
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