Alrighty then, here's the official publication of the Newostomy Slang Dictionary - the Wicked Funny Pedia of all things Ostomy that I have gleaned from our beloved bag peeps. Adding and editing is highly encouraged. Bring it on
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~traci~ I need all of you to help fill in any newostomate slang words dictionary!! Let's have some fun guys!!!!!!!
Anti-stickum, noun, any agent, formulation or ingredient that prevents the barrier from sticking to the skin. May result in a stoma malfunction.
A**itude, noun, descriptive term to describe a bag peep's positive attitude to go for the gusto while living with an ostomy.
Back Gas, noun, term used to describe the gaseous substance that backs up and balloons in the stoma pouch; known to be explosive and possibly toxic; caution is advised.
Bag Baby, noun, derivative of Bag Peeps, beloved little ones with a stoma with loving and caring parents providing stoma care
Bag Brag, verb, pride a bag peep expresses when their stoma buddy operates in an approved, discrete manner in a highly public situation. (Antonym, see Going Stoma).
Bag Burp, can be used as noun or verb, the manual release of back gas from the ostomy bag by either the flange pop or the tail release method. Care and dexterity must be exercised to avoid a stoma malfunction.
Bag Gangers, noun, a group of bag peeps with ostomy affiliations who gather together to share and care; as individuals they are awesome, as a group they are invincible; not to be messed with. Note: the primary identifying characteristic is one or more bags affixed to the abdomen; however, as these are not visible, great care must be exercised so as not to p * ss one off inadvertently.
Bag Lady, noun, generic term for female bag peeps.
Bagette, noun, it's like a normal bag but cheaper. Alternate usage: Smaller mini bags used when engaging in activities such as swimming and intimacy.
Baggravate, verb. Actions a stoma takes to irritate, annoy and otherwise try to mess with us. Requires patience, judicious cursing and use of our peep bag-o-tricks to get it back under control. Baggravation, noun form.
Bagot, noun, narrow-minded people who can't handle the awesomeness of a bag wearer.
Bagtastrophy, noun, the complete breakdown of the personal ostomy system due to a disastrous stoma malfunction; may result in an exploding bag, extreme leakage due to loss of seal and other horrific events. The phenomenon can happen at any time, anywhere and plays no favorites, affecting experienced and new bag peeps alike. Immediate action is required to locate a safety zone and secure the situation; often requires the use of everything in the MergencyKit to perform a complete bag change in an uncomfortable, restricted and public place, testing the bag peeps' courage and patience to the max. May result in a bag peep Going Stoma. See also Defcon 1 Situation and Murphy's Law of Ostomates
Blow-out, noun. Failure of pouching system blow out preventer; usually resulting in a complete stoma disaster requiring immediate remedial action to contain the gusher, clean up the mess and install new stoma gear. (See also bagtastrophy).
Blow-out preventer, noun. Stoma pouching system designed to keep product securely in the bag.
Borrowed food, noun. Refers to the wholeness of foods that come out in the bag looking the same as when they went in. Examples: corn, peas, some greens, mushrooms. Also see Finders Jeepers.
Bubble Wrap Bag, noun. This is where bubbles form on the inside bag structure. They appear to be safe to pop (no one has reported a failure from doing it yet) and as the companies have yet to figure out what appears to cause them, you get your own personal bubble wrap joy without the threat of someone stealing it from you.
Bulk Food Syndrome, noun, when a bag peep runs amok in a bulk food store, after possibly years of deprivation, and buys and consumes mass quantities of once forbidden food without applying the Bag Peeps' Mantra: Eat mostly what is good for me; eat what will pass through without too many ill effects; eat in small to moderate quantities; chew the hell out of anything other than mashed potatoes.
Carrying Around a Lot of Baggage, verb, literal interpretation of a slang term for people with "issues"; descriptive of a bag peep with a full load in the bag.
Chute System, noun, future replacement colon, currently a vacuum hose, camera aperture and rip cord, not feasible for human application at this time.
Clam neck, noun. Stoma that extends out when excited. Visible when gear is taken off and stoma is allowed fresh air and a shower. Antonym, see turtle.
Color Splash, noun, the natural dyeing effect certain foods have on stoma output, ex., beets, spinach; may startle a new bag peep who may fear an internal malfunction has occurred. Also see Pouch Palette.
Colostomedical Constipation, noun, stoma output failure due to the use of prescribed pain medications resulting in a medical Catch 22 - suffer or poop. Can be relieved by the use of other medical aids to soften stool or possibly by natural means such as prune juice. See also Constomation.
Constomation, noun, condition of a bag peep's digestive system resulting in concrete-like nuggets which transit through the intestines and/or colon very slowly and with great difficulty and occasionally may expel into the bag with great force not unlike an AK 47 (see also Pellets and Chowder). Unfortunately, can also cause serious and painful blockages of the small intestine or colon requiring medical intervention.
Crappe, word used to get the word **** past the auto-censor on C3life.
Crinkle Effect, noun, the sound similar to wadded up plastic wrap a clear bag makes after three days due to loss of elasticity resulting in a crinkling sound whenever the bag peep bends and twists. Usually leads to an order for opaque padded bags.
Curious George, noun, name for an inquisitive, usually overactive stoma; frequently causes stoma malfunctions. Inspired by a series of children's books written by Hans and Marget Rey.
Cut and Cap, verb. Action of cutting a pouch opening to fit snugly over a stoma to cap the flow of product.
Cut and Run, can be used as noun or verb, the action a bag peep takes to quickly remove him or herself from the scene of a bag burp. Related, but not necessarily approved, actions may include sidelong glances and uplifted eyebrows directed at an innocent bystander in order to deflect attention.
DECON 1 Situation, noun, adapted from military usage for a serious security issue; descriptive of a dire stoma emergency requiring immediate remedial action by the bag peep to secure the situation. Usually always requires the usage of items found in a Mergency Kit.
Double Baggers, noun, also known as twins. Bag peeps with more than one bag, thus increasing exponentially the possibilities of going stoma.
Eggplant in pants, noun, result of back gas and requiring a bag burp.
Erkelish, adj, unusually high stoma causing bag peep to pull up pant beltline causing a “high-water” look at the pant cuff. An ostomy fashion faux pas.
Faux Rectum, noun, slang term for a J-Pouch which is an internal waste collection device to replace a missing rectum; formed from bits and pieces of the small intestines. Not to be confused with a Rubber Rectum which is an artificial external collection device; and definitely not to be confused with a Phantom Rectum which exists only in the mind of a bag peep and collects dust.
Finders Jeepers, noun, due to the nature of colostomies and ostomies and the sometimes minimal processing of intake, leading to a game played by bag peeps to identify contents post processing. Participation is entirely voluntary and played on the honor system. A score of 10, while excellent and worthy of the rubber rectum award, probably indicates the bag peep has eaten way too much.
Friendly Fire, noun. The undesired effect of a life-saving treatment such as surgery, chemo or radiation that sometimes leads to a person becoming a bag peep. Can include other undesired effects such as nerve damage, fistulas or neuropathy.
Frosting the Cake, verb, the too liberal use of stoma paste to fill in any dips in the area around the stoma which can create a problem with the barrier not sticking adequately; possibly leading to a stoma malfunction.
Fruity Tooty, noun. Use of fruit scented oils resulting in an aromatic bag burp.
Glad Bag, in a perfectly round world, the appliance worn by bag peep is well behaved, properly placed, has good adhesion and there is no cross interference from other attire or accessory. This always results in a happy bag peep.
Going Stoma, noun, unexpected and undesirable eruptions, malfunctions and other ostomy mayhem caused by a disconnect between what the bag peep desires and what the stoma actually does; often results in trust issues; common verb usage is a bag peep's venting of stoma frustration. Synonyms, Rogue Stoma, Unruly Stoma, Wayward Child (not unlike teenagers who do the exact 180-degree opposite of what you want them to do).
Golden Moments, noun, specific to urostomates and expressive of ideal stoma and bag operating conditions
Hitting bottom, verb, what happens to an individual who has tried everything medically, physically, emotionally and mentally to avoid becoming an ostomate. In most all cases leads to the decision for surgical intervention to add a bag in order to get back to living a fulfilling life.
Ick Factor, noun, the feelings non-baggers may feel when discussing stoma issues on an in-depth basis with a bag peep; bag peeps must exercise great patience to overcome the ick factor or just give up and go into the IDGAS mode
IDGAS, noun, acronym for I don't give a ****; also known as the Colostomy Apathy Club for bag peeps who are so comfortable with their bag that public displays of a rogue stoma do not faze them and life as we know it does not end.
Innies and Outies, noun, adapted from the colloquial terms for belly buttons. Outie is a descriptive term for a stoma that protrudes properly from the abdomen, creating an attractive rosebud effect; as opposed to an innie, descriptive of a sunken stoma which is not desirable but sometimes unavoidable; more prone to pancaking, leakages and other stoma malfunctions.
Input on the Output, noun, practiced by bag peeps to provide relevant information on successful stoma management and expertise on handling stoma mishaps. Occasionally results in veering off on unrelated, but nonetheless interesting, tangents.
Jiffy Pop, noun, phenomenon that occurs when a large amount of gas fills up a pouch very quickly. See also Eggplant in the Pants.
Junk shot, noun. In an effort to stem the flow, throwing everything possible at chronic leaks - every sample product, tape, paste, seal, belt, etc.
LBL, noun, acronym for Lovely Bag Ladies. No other definition needed. Well, except for the synonym BBB (Beautiful Bag Broads).
Leg warmer, noun, a pouch, recently filled with product, resting against a bag peep's thigh. Has the temporary effect of a hot water bottle. Desirable in winter in cold climates.
Lock and Load Bag, noun, a more descriptive term for lock and roll bags.
Lube Job, noun, the insertion of lubricating agents into the bag in order to prevent sticking, pancaking, gluing, etc., making it difficult for the bag peep to execute a successful shake, strip and slide maneuver. A non-commercial option for the do-it-yourselfers is the use of cooking spray. The deluxe lube job may include the additional insertion of odor eliminating agents. Note that the addition of fruit scented oils may result in a fruity tooty.
Master Blaster, noun, when a locked and loaded bag inflates to the max; WARNING! Contents under pressure.
Mergency Kit, noun, bag, purse, backpack, briefcase, or other container used to carry one, if not two, of every conceivable ostomy item needed to resolve a stoma malfunction or bagtastrophy. Synonym: M Urgency Kit (My Urgency Kit)
Milking, verb, action a bag peep takes to work any last bit of residue down below the bag closure level when the best efforts during the tail end cleansing phase are not totally successful due to the stubborn nature of some product.
Ms. Wonderful, noun, wonderful person of the female gender; note there is no Mr. Wonderful.
Mt. Vesuvius, noun, used to describe a stoma eruption resulting in extremely heavy, lava-like flow that may generate friction heat due to the rapid expulsion of product from the stoma also known colloquially in Northwest USA as Mt. St. Helens (see also Going Stoma).
Murphy's Law of Ostomates, noun; common knowledge that a bag peeps' malfunctions often happen away from the home base toilet. This necessitates the requirement to travel with a Mergency Kit to include one, if not two, of every possible thing a bag peep might need to deal with a stoma malfunction. Common knowledge also holds that at home stoma malfunctions occur in the middle of the night, in bed, in the dark.
Number 3, noun, going through a stoma as opposed to going number 1 and 2 through the originally issued parts.
Ostagnent, noun, unusual dual meaning term used by bag peeps to either 1) describe a sluggish and lazy elimination system requiring ingestion of multiple over-the-counter or prescription products, drinking gallons of water, combined with wishing and hoping and usually accompanied by copious cursing in order to get product moved through and into the bag; or 2) bag lady who is experiencing the joys of pregnancy.
Osthesis, noun, adapted from the Greek term prosthesis; descriptive of an ostomy bag as an artificial device to replace a missing or impaired part of the alimentary canal or urinary tract. (See also rubber rectum)
Ostomafia, noun, a society of a unique group of individuals consisting of bag men and women. To be a "made" member requires the acquisition of one or more stomas; not to be undertaken lightly as it is often a lifetime commitment. Members frequently provide nicknames to their stomas, a compilation of which can be found on the C3Life stoma website (a notorious hangout for bag men and women). See logo below. Also known as the Rose Bud Familia or Osta Nostra.
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Ostomaze, noun. The confusing, often frustrating, number of decisions about gear, application of gear, skin care, nutrition, etc. that a new bag peep confronts after acquiring a stoma buddy.
Ostomistic, adjective. An ostomate who is ostomistic has a positive attitude. (See also A**itude.)
Ostamize, verb, economy measures practiced by a bag peep to optimize product use and economize to lessen costs. May include such actions as leaving product bottles upside down to drain out the very last drop, cutting cohesive rings in half and remolding them into a circle, squeezing one more day out of the stoma gear, etc. Extreme frugality measures such as duct taping a Glad bag around the stoma is highly discouraged.
Ostomy Anxiety, noun, slang clinical term used by bag peeps to describe the overall or specific fear or phobia of dealing with various ostomy issues. Examples include: loud stoma noises, gas, leakage, bag dumping in public places, intimacy issues with a loved one, etc. Treatment often involves aversion therapy, the more it happens, the less it bothers the bag peep as he or she gains skills to successfully deal with the situation. Also found to be beneficial is interaction with other bag peeps on a website forum. Successful completion of therapy often results in membership in the IDGAS club.
Ostomy Exhaust System, noun, term used by bag peeps to refer to the collective ostomy evacuation and gas release system. (See also, product, back gas, ostomy power grid).
Ostomy Power Grid, noun, the harnessing of the cumulative effects of bag peeps' back gas; at this writing, under EPA and DOE consideration for possible harmful effects and also for the positive impacts on the power supply and lowering of the carbon footprint by preventing direct release into the atmosphere.
Ostotainment, noun. The art of discovering entertaining aspects to having a stoma. See Bubble Wrap Bag.
Ostovet, noun, a bag peep of long standing with many years under their belt (so to speak
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)
Ostresized, noun, just when you thought it safe to order your flanges pre-cut, the bugger goes and changes size on you again! Consideration could be given to having a flange
🔒 Login to see image
~traci~ I need all of you to help fill in any newostomate slang words dictionary!! Let's have some fun guys!!!!!!!
Anti-stickum, noun, any agent, formulation or ingredient that prevents the barrier from sticking to the skin. May result in a stoma malfunction.
A**itude, noun, descriptive term to describe a bag peep's positive attitude to go for the gusto while living with an ostomy.
Back Gas, noun, term used to describe the gaseous substance that backs up and balloons in the stoma pouch; known to be explosive and possibly toxic; caution is advised.
Bag Baby, noun, derivative of Bag Peeps, beloved little ones with a stoma with loving and caring parents providing stoma care
Bag Brag, verb, pride a bag peep expresses when their stoma buddy operates in an approved, discrete manner in a highly public situation. (Antonym, see Going Stoma).
Bag Burp, can be used as noun or verb, the manual release of back gas from the ostomy bag by either the flange pop or the tail release method. Care and dexterity must be exercised to avoid a stoma malfunction.
Bag Gangers, noun, a group of bag peeps with ostomy affiliations who gather together to share and care; as individuals they are awesome, as a group they are invincible; not to be messed with. Note: the primary identifying characteristic is one or more bags affixed to the abdomen; however, as these are not visible, great care must be exercised so as not to p * ss one off inadvertently.
Bag Lady, noun, generic term for female bag peeps.
Bagette, noun, it's like a normal bag but cheaper. Alternate usage: Smaller mini bags used when engaging in activities such as swimming and intimacy.
Baggravate, verb. Actions a stoma takes to irritate, annoy and otherwise try to mess with us. Requires patience, judicious cursing and use of our peep bag-o-tricks to get it back under control. Baggravation, noun form.
Bagot, noun, narrow-minded people who can't handle the awesomeness of a bag wearer.
Bagtastrophy, noun, the complete breakdown of the personal ostomy system due to a disastrous stoma malfunction; may result in an exploding bag, extreme leakage due to loss of seal and other horrific events. The phenomenon can happen at any time, anywhere and plays no favorites, affecting experienced and new bag peeps alike. Immediate action is required to locate a safety zone and secure the situation; often requires the use of everything in the MergencyKit to perform a complete bag change in an uncomfortable, restricted and public place, testing the bag peeps' courage and patience to the max. May result in a bag peep Going Stoma. See also Defcon 1 Situation and Murphy's Law of Ostomates
Blow-out, noun. Failure of pouching system blow out preventer; usually resulting in a complete stoma disaster requiring immediate remedial action to contain the gusher, clean up the mess and install new stoma gear. (See also bagtastrophy).
Blow-out preventer, noun. Stoma pouching system designed to keep product securely in the bag.
Borrowed food, noun. Refers to the wholeness of foods that come out in the bag looking the same as when they went in. Examples: corn, peas, some greens, mushrooms. Also see Finders Jeepers.
Bubble Wrap Bag, noun. This is where bubbles form on the inside bag structure. They appear to be safe to pop (no one has reported a failure from doing it yet) and as the companies have yet to figure out what appears to cause them, you get your own personal bubble wrap joy without the threat of someone stealing it from you.
Bulk Food Syndrome, noun, when a bag peep runs amok in a bulk food store, after possibly years of deprivation, and buys and consumes mass quantities of once forbidden food without applying the Bag Peeps' Mantra: Eat mostly what is good for me; eat what will pass through without too many ill effects; eat in small to moderate quantities; chew the hell out of anything other than mashed potatoes.
Carrying Around a Lot of Baggage, verb, literal interpretation of a slang term for people with "issues"; descriptive of a bag peep with a full load in the bag.
Chute System, noun, future replacement colon, currently a vacuum hose, camera aperture and rip cord, not feasible for human application at this time.
Clam neck, noun. Stoma that extends out when excited. Visible when gear is taken off and stoma is allowed fresh air and a shower. Antonym, see turtle.
Color Splash, noun, the natural dyeing effect certain foods have on stoma output, ex., beets, spinach; may startle a new bag peep who may fear an internal malfunction has occurred. Also see Pouch Palette.
Colostomedical Constipation, noun, stoma output failure due to the use of prescribed pain medications resulting in a medical Catch 22 - suffer or poop. Can be relieved by the use of other medical aids to soften stool or possibly by natural means such as prune juice. See also Constomation.
Constomation, noun, condition of a bag peep's digestive system resulting in concrete-like nuggets which transit through the intestines and/or colon very slowly and with great difficulty and occasionally may expel into the bag with great force not unlike an AK 47 (see also Pellets and Chowder). Unfortunately, can also cause serious and painful blockages of the small intestine or colon requiring medical intervention.
Crappe, word used to get the word **** past the auto-censor on C3life.
Crinkle Effect, noun, the sound similar to wadded up plastic wrap a clear bag makes after three days due to loss of elasticity resulting in a crinkling sound whenever the bag peep bends and twists. Usually leads to an order for opaque padded bags.
Curious George, noun, name for an inquisitive, usually overactive stoma; frequently causes stoma malfunctions. Inspired by a series of children's books written by Hans and Marget Rey.
Cut and Cap, verb. Action of cutting a pouch opening to fit snugly over a stoma to cap the flow of product.
Cut and Run, can be used as noun or verb, the action a bag peep takes to quickly remove him or herself from the scene of a bag burp. Related, but not necessarily approved, actions may include sidelong glances and uplifted eyebrows directed at an innocent bystander in order to deflect attention.
DECON 1 Situation, noun, adapted from military usage for a serious security issue; descriptive of a dire stoma emergency requiring immediate remedial action by the bag peep to secure the situation. Usually always requires the usage of items found in a Mergency Kit.
Double Baggers, noun, also known as twins. Bag peeps with more than one bag, thus increasing exponentially the possibilities of going stoma.
Eggplant in pants, noun, result of back gas and requiring a bag burp.
Erkelish, adj, unusually high stoma causing bag peep to pull up pant beltline causing a “high-water” look at the pant cuff. An ostomy fashion faux pas.
Faux Rectum, noun, slang term for a J-Pouch which is an internal waste collection device to replace a missing rectum; formed from bits and pieces of the small intestines. Not to be confused with a Rubber Rectum which is an artificial external collection device; and definitely not to be confused with a Phantom Rectum which exists only in the mind of a bag peep and collects dust.
Finders Jeepers, noun, due to the nature of colostomies and ostomies and the sometimes minimal processing of intake, leading to a game played by bag peeps to identify contents post processing. Participation is entirely voluntary and played on the honor system. A score of 10, while excellent and worthy of the rubber rectum award, probably indicates the bag peep has eaten way too much.
Friendly Fire, noun. The undesired effect of a life-saving treatment such as surgery, chemo or radiation that sometimes leads to a person becoming a bag peep. Can include other undesired effects such as nerve damage, fistulas or neuropathy.
Frosting the Cake, verb, the too liberal use of stoma paste to fill in any dips in the area around the stoma which can create a problem with the barrier not sticking adequately; possibly leading to a stoma malfunction.
Fruity Tooty, noun. Use of fruit scented oils resulting in an aromatic bag burp.
Glad Bag, in a perfectly round world, the appliance worn by bag peep is well behaved, properly placed, has good adhesion and there is no cross interference from other attire or accessory. This always results in a happy bag peep.
Going Stoma, noun, unexpected and undesirable eruptions, malfunctions and other ostomy mayhem caused by a disconnect between what the bag peep desires and what the stoma actually does; often results in trust issues; common verb usage is a bag peep's venting of stoma frustration. Synonyms, Rogue Stoma, Unruly Stoma, Wayward Child (not unlike teenagers who do the exact 180-degree opposite of what you want them to do).
Golden Moments, noun, specific to urostomates and expressive of ideal stoma and bag operating conditions
Hitting bottom, verb, what happens to an individual who has tried everything medically, physically, emotionally and mentally to avoid becoming an ostomate. In most all cases leads to the decision for surgical intervention to add a bag in order to get back to living a fulfilling life.
Ick Factor, noun, the feelings non-baggers may feel when discussing stoma issues on an in-depth basis with a bag peep; bag peeps must exercise great patience to overcome the ick factor or just give up and go into the IDGAS mode
IDGAS, noun, acronym for I don't give a ****; also known as the Colostomy Apathy Club for bag peeps who are so comfortable with their bag that public displays of a rogue stoma do not faze them and life as we know it does not end.
Innies and Outies, noun, adapted from the colloquial terms for belly buttons. Outie is a descriptive term for a stoma that protrudes properly from the abdomen, creating an attractive rosebud effect; as opposed to an innie, descriptive of a sunken stoma which is not desirable but sometimes unavoidable; more prone to pancaking, leakages and other stoma malfunctions.
Input on the Output, noun, practiced by bag peeps to provide relevant information on successful stoma management and expertise on handling stoma mishaps. Occasionally results in veering off on unrelated, but nonetheless interesting, tangents.
Jiffy Pop, noun, phenomenon that occurs when a large amount of gas fills up a pouch very quickly. See also Eggplant in the Pants.
Junk shot, noun. In an effort to stem the flow, throwing everything possible at chronic leaks - every sample product, tape, paste, seal, belt, etc.
LBL, noun, acronym for Lovely Bag Ladies. No other definition needed. Well, except for the synonym BBB (Beautiful Bag Broads).
Leg warmer, noun, a pouch, recently filled with product, resting against a bag peep's thigh. Has the temporary effect of a hot water bottle. Desirable in winter in cold climates.
Lock and Load Bag, noun, a more descriptive term for lock and roll bags.
Lube Job, noun, the insertion of lubricating agents into the bag in order to prevent sticking, pancaking, gluing, etc., making it difficult for the bag peep to execute a successful shake, strip and slide maneuver. A non-commercial option for the do-it-yourselfers is the use of cooking spray. The deluxe lube job may include the additional insertion of odor eliminating agents. Note that the addition of fruit scented oils may result in a fruity tooty.
Master Blaster, noun, when a locked and loaded bag inflates to the max; WARNING! Contents under pressure.
Mergency Kit, noun, bag, purse, backpack, briefcase, or other container used to carry one, if not two, of every conceivable ostomy item needed to resolve a stoma malfunction or bagtastrophy. Synonym: M Urgency Kit (My Urgency Kit)
Milking, verb, action a bag peep takes to work any last bit of residue down below the bag closure level when the best efforts during the tail end cleansing phase are not totally successful due to the stubborn nature of some product.
Ms. Wonderful, noun, wonderful person of the female gender; note there is no Mr. Wonderful.
Mt. Vesuvius, noun, used to describe a stoma eruption resulting in extremely heavy, lava-like flow that may generate friction heat due to the rapid expulsion of product from the stoma also known colloquially in Northwest USA as Mt. St. Helens (see also Going Stoma).
Murphy's Law of Ostomates, noun; common knowledge that a bag peeps' malfunctions often happen away from the home base toilet. This necessitates the requirement to travel with a Mergency Kit to include one, if not two, of every possible thing a bag peep might need to deal with a stoma malfunction. Common knowledge also holds that at home stoma malfunctions occur in the middle of the night, in bed, in the dark.
Number 3, noun, going through a stoma as opposed to going number 1 and 2 through the originally issued parts.
Ostagnent, noun, unusual dual meaning term used by bag peeps to either 1) describe a sluggish and lazy elimination system requiring ingestion of multiple over-the-counter or prescription products, drinking gallons of water, combined with wishing and hoping and usually accompanied by copious cursing in order to get product moved through and into the bag; or 2) bag lady who is experiencing the joys of pregnancy.
Osthesis, noun, adapted from the Greek term prosthesis; descriptive of an ostomy bag as an artificial device to replace a missing or impaired part of the alimentary canal or urinary tract. (See also rubber rectum)
Ostomafia, noun, a society of a unique group of individuals consisting of bag men and women. To be a "made" member requires the acquisition of one or more stomas; not to be undertaken lightly as it is often a lifetime commitment. Members frequently provide nicknames to their stomas, a compilation of which can be found on the C3Life stoma website (a notorious hangout for bag men and women). See logo below. Also known as the Rose Bud Familia or Osta Nostra.
🔒 Login to see image
Ostomaze, noun. The confusing, often frustrating, number of decisions about gear, application of gear, skin care, nutrition, etc. that a new bag peep confronts after acquiring a stoma buddy.
Ostomistic, adjective. An ostomate who is ostomistic has a positive attitude. (See also A**itude.)
Ostamize, verb, economy measures practiced by a bag peep to optimize product use and economize to lessen costs. May include such actions as leaving product bottles upside down to drain out the very last drop, cutting cohesive rings in half and remolding them into a circle, squeezing one more day out of the stoma gear, etc. Extreme frugality measures such as duct taping a Glad bag around the stoma is highly discouraged.
Ostomy Anxiety, noun, slang clinical term used by bag peeps to describe the overall or specific fear or phobia of dealing with various ostomy issues. Examples include: loud stoma noises, gas, leakage, bag dumping in public places, intimacy issues with a loved one, etc. Treatment often involves aversion therapy, the more it happens, the less it bothers the bag peep as he or she gains skills to successfully deal with the situation. Also found to be beneficial is interaction with other bag peeps on a website forum. Successful completion of therapy often results in membership in the IDGAS club.
Ostomy Exhaust System, noun, term used by bag peeps to refer to the collective ostomy evacuation and gas release system. (See also, product, back gas, ostomy power grid).
Ostomy Power Grid, noun, the harnessing of the cumulative effects of bag peeps' back gas; at this writing, under EPA and DOE consideration for possible harmful effects and also for the positive impacts on the power supply and lowering of the carbon footprint by preventing direct release into the atmosphere.
Ostotainment, noun. The art of discovering entertaining aspects to having a stoma. See Bubble Wrap Bag.
Ostovet, noun, a bag peep of long standing with many years under their belt (so to speak
🔒 Login to see image
)
Ostresized, noun, just when you thought it safe to order your flanges pre-cut, the bugger goes and changes size on you again! Consideration could be given to having a flange
