Diarrhoea

DIARRHOEA.


Do not expect an epopoeia (epic poem)
to emerge from diarrhoea,
for though I’ll try to do my best
this one will put me to the test.


This is a difficult concept,
which I think we must just accept
is not the nicest in the land
for anyone to understand.


Sometimes called the Delhi-belly
it can be both vile and smelly,
then again, it’s called the squits,
but most of us just call it shits.


We may call it what we choose
but when the faeces start to ooze
or spurt like water from a hose
what’s it matter, what words you chose?


With diarrhoea it is the norm
for shit to pass in liquid form,
sometimes accompanied by sick
which often is catastrophic.


For many people, it’s the pits
when diarrhoea gives them the shits
because their bodies are designed
without the diarrhoea in mind.


Unfortunately, they have found
their anus points towards the ground
and they have no control on shit
let alone on catching it.


But with my stoma, I don’t care,
as my bag will be hanging there
to catch whatever’s coming out
for that’s what stomas are about.


I shit no longer from my bum
but catch it all out of my tum.


B. Withers 2019

OMGosh Bill, you are too funny!

Fantastic!!!

:O)

Bob

Thanks newyorktorque and bob for your supportive comments. I did wonder how this one might be viewed but, in the spirit of poetic licence, I feel that if only one or two people appreciate it, then the effort is worthwhile.
Best wishes
Bill

Bill,

I'm betting lots of folks are enjoying it... you know, the other 20,745 "members" on this site. Ok, seriously, that number's a joke, but there are quite a few "lurkers" on here who read your stuff and enjoy it... they just don't comment. Guess they prefer we do all the work. Oh well. What this site needs, besides a good enema, are "stickies"... posts that stay at the top of the list for all to easily find. This way we wouldn't have to rehash the same old topics over and over... skin problems, barriers won't stick, what foods do what... and one for your poetry. Regardless, keep at it man... we need the entertainment on such a non-entertaining site.

Regards,
Bob

Staying Hydrated with an Ostomy with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Oh... hey Bill... one other thing. We spell it diarrhea over here in the states. Is yours a UK spelling, or were you misspelling on purpose to attract attention? Just wondering, not judging.

I believe that's how they spell it in the UK. There are a number of words we spell differently, like we say "while" and in the UK it's "whilst". We spell "color", they spell it "colour", etc.

Hello Bob.
Thanks for your support with the rhymes, it is much appreciated.
As newyorktorque points out diarrhoea is the English spelling but
thanks for drawing the spelling to my attention as I am not above making basic mistakes like that in my writing. I have to be quite careful here in the UK because in literary circles they get quite touchy about spelling and grammar. You would be surprised at how many critics there are - even with poetry, where traditionally 'anything goes!' Sometimes I deliberately make up words or misspell them to see if I can invoke a reaction, but not on this occasion.
It amuses me that some people get worked up about literary stuff because I didn't have a basic education and in the main I couldn't care less whether I am right or wrong in their eyes. When criticisms arrive, I usually ask whether they understood what I was trying to say. That is usually responded to with a "Yes-but!" and then I will invite them to be a proof-reader for all my work if they are concerned about my mistakes. That often puts them off criticising again.
As an aside, I never read a proper book until I was in my late twenties, and when I went to college, I had to learn how to write. Prior to that I had only handwritten anything in italic script for the artistic effect. ( anyone who has tried that mode of writing will confirm that it takes ages and would be quite inappropriate for essay work especially using a quill-nib.) However, learning how to write normally proved to be unnecessary, as I used to pay someone to write all my essays for me after I simply dictated them into a machine.
After I finished uni, I rewrote my thesis entirely in rhyming verse as resubmitted it. Needless to say I had no response from the university but that's how things are in academia. You either tow the line or you are deemed as being 'wrong'. I have just finished a rhyme in that vein and, as you seem to like the genre I'll reproduce it here just for you.
Best wishes
Bill

DIFFERENCE.

I must admit a preference
for perceiving difference
when it refers to humankind
or concepts conceived in the mind.

I like nonconformity
and dislike uniformity,
for in a wider divergence
there's difference and variance.

I do like eccentricity
as it has authenticity,
which can take on so many forms
and doesn't follow social norms.

I prefer those people who
now seem to be a dwindling few,
who do not follow fashion trends
so, know who they can call their friends.

I like to see folk on their own
especially when, without a phone
they're able to still to realise
it's easier to socialise.

I like to hear contrasting views
and something new upon the news,
where someone's made a new invention
or they have a new intention.

I like to see diversity
and challenging adversity
where people are put to the test
to see if they come out best.

I like differences in style
where people go that extra mile,
just to show what they can do
for the likes of me and you.

B. Withers 2019

And that's why I don't like posting rhymes on an ordinary post -- they simply do not get reproduced in the format that rhymes should be to make easy reading or sense.

I am the US version of the anal retentive editor. I wouldn't dare correct someone's spelling and/or grammar on the internet, but I did it at work all the time.

Hi Bill,

First off, that rhyme above in your reply is your best by far, at least in terms of what I relate to as my viewpoint as well.

Now back to the spelling of DIARRHOEA. I'm glad you didn't see my questioning your spelling as a judgment regarding your intellect or literary prowess, as that was surely not what I intended. You fully understood, and thanks for the explanation. I work with a great group of Brits from Cosworth (the Formula One guys) in Northampton, so I get to hear the language differences and enjoy the fact that things can be said many ways and yet retain their singular meaning. So I just have to ask... how do you say "DIARRHOEA"?

My favorite word difference (so far) is in the word "aluminum". My UK friends pronounce that as "AL" (think the first part of the name Alan) + "LOO" (as in a UK toilet) + "MIN" (as in minimum) + "E" (pronounced as a long E... as in Eeeey!) + "YUM" (as in yummy). So "AL LOO MIN EEEY YUM". I just love that. So tell me how you say "DIARRHOEA"!

Thanks,
Bob

NYT... You said, "I wouldn't dare correct someone's spelling and/or grammar on the internet." That's good because you'd never get any rest. As much as I enjoy the internet, the fact that it promotes the degradation of language in general really upsets me. And I'm being PC when I say that. Why people would ignore grammar and basic literary rules and norms simply for expediency is beyond me. I'd much rather use proper punctuation and at least appear literate than finish what I'm saying a few seconds early but look like a complete dumbass. But that's just me. I too, like you, don't correct people's grammar on the internet... as that is the definition of futile. But it does tend to sort out who I'm talking to in my mind. For I find those who type the way they talk normally to be worth talking to in the first place. The rest are hit and miss. Or so it seems. Oops... sorry for hijacking your post, Bill... my bad.

Regards,
Bob

Hi Bill,

Yes, you're right....Northampton is one word......which explains the way people say it.....as one word. I visited Northampton a number of years ago when I first started working with Cosworth. Had a great time and saw all the tourist attractions in London. Hope to get back to GB one of these years!

Cheers,
Bob

Hello Bob. I'm glad you enjoyed London's tourist attraction. I do very occasionally take the grandchildren to see the natural history museum or an art gallery, but I don't like the city much as it's dirty and the air is so polluted that I have trouble breathing by the time I return home. We are much more likely to visit RSPB, or National Trust and wildlife reserves in the countryside. The national arboretum is near Northampton and well worth a visit. However, most of the time we will simply walk in the countryside where there are the least tourists and the most wildlife.It also has the advantage of having relatively clean air to breathe and a sense of relaxation rather than the claustrophobic, hussle-bussle of city life. My wife has just come back from Yosemite national park and she loved it.
Best wishes
Bill