Finding Healing and Connection in the Midst of Chronic Illness

Sometimes my fallibility and humanness catch me unaware. Being chronically sick for so long was such a source of shame that at times I don't allow myself to feel. It is only when my body says 'enough' that my brain follows suit and recognizes it is time to stop.

Can you relate?

Oftentimes I will go back to my story and remind myself where I have come from and where I hope to go. It scares me to think of what I went through and how disconnected I can be from my body. I felt that my body betrayed me, so having an intimate relationship with something so cruel doesn't make sense.

Don't get me wrong; it's great 'doing life,' rushing from a to b and forgetting the pain and hardship I've experienced. Why dwell on a time in my life that was difficult? I never wanted to be seen as a victim, so it is hard to acknowledge that at times I was, and still am.

I tried hard to hide behind the mystique of 'being fine'... actually... 'better than fine' so at times I forget what it is like to not be fine, to not be okay... to be tired, to ache, and to feel sad.

Telling my story is a way for me to heal, and I hope help others heal. It is a way to connect with my body and allow my mind to wander.

There is a level of discomfort in being so open and vulnerable to the world, but I don't want to live in the shame that I felt being so sick, for so long, simply surviving with an ostomy. I am a survivor, but I am also a thriver (wow... that is actually harder than I thought it would be to say (today)).

I think I am not alone in struggling to be human. I imagine many others with an ostomy feel the same. I know others who suffer from chronic illness wake up some days and simply roll over and go back to sleep.

I also know it gets better. I guess that is why I am doing this. To connect to someone... out there... who has felt the same. Maybe commonality, a shared experience, will allow us both to heal. Maybe someone reading my struggles will recognize it is okay to have theirs. I felt so alone at times, so confused, so lost that I just wanted someone to reach out, take my hand in theirs, and never let go.

Take a moment with me. Place your right hand under your left armpit and place your left hand on your right shoulder. Breathe. In through the nose, hold for 5 seconds, and out through the mouth. As you breathe in, fill your lungs with a happy memory or thought. Hold that thought, then as you breathe out, push out a negative memory or thought. Hold/hug yourself in a blanket of self-compassion and love. Nurture yourself in this moment and remind yourself that you are human.

I may be wounded, but I am not broken.



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Reading what you've written here reminds me of me long ago. My surgery was in '64. You're going to be okay.

Hello Suzie.
I can definitely relate to your post and the reasons for writing one's thoughts down. I tend to do it in rhyming verse but it seems that you are not 'unaversed' to doing the same - I quote " I am a survivor, but I am also a thriver". I will try to use this concept in a verse of my own as soon as I can put my mind to it.
Best wishes
Bill

This speaks to me: But once we get the hang of it, we can control this "sickness" shit. It's then we start to feel alive and suddenly we start to thrive. I told you we would collaborate one day!!!! Thanks again Doc Le Brocq AKA Suzie

Hello Suzie.
My daughter has just written to me to share an experience she had/has with one of her elderly clients, which also fits the 'survive and thrive' concept. So, I will share my rhyme with you to capture her comments.
Best wishes
Bill


SURVIVE AND THRIVE 4.

Sometimes we're lucky and we'll meet
someone who's landed on their feet
by sheer determination and
the fortitude to make a stand.

These people are an inspiration
and without equivocation
deserve our praise and admiration
for their own emancipation.

Anyone, of any age,
can decide to turn that page,
and change their lives from a bad place
to occupy a different space.

But many people don't do this
and find their lives will come amiss
because, whilst they are still alive
they miss the point and fail to thrive.

I know a centenarian
who's an humanitarian
and altruistic in her stance
so, thriving isn't left to chance.

This lady's a pleasure to meet,
as she does not bow to defeat,
but takes life's problems one by one
and makes sure everything gets done.

Manifesting independence
with immense self-confidence,
this lady is a role-model
without a need to molly-coddle.

She's an example to behold
of someone who is brave and bold,
showing that she has survived,
but more than that, she's also thrived.


Be Withers 2021

Living with Your Ostomy | Hollister

Hey Bill,

If I choose a certain verse, would you give me permission to post it to my Facebook account for my ostomy stuff? I will or will not credit you depending on your preference?

I couldn't get my left hand over to the right shoulder. Does this part matter much?