Why can you always trust people with colostomy bags?
They're the only people you know aren't full of shit!
I started selling bagpipes made from colostomy bags on Amazon
Needless to say, they sound like shit.
What's the most difficult thing for a woman with a colostomy?
Finding shoes to match her bag.
When the doctor told me having a colostomy would improve my grammar, I didn't believe him.
But it was true; I now use a semi-colon on a regular basis.
My grandpa has it pretty rough; he has to use a colostomy bag and his forgetfulness can be a burden on his daily life.
Every now and then he just loses his shit.
I had a colostomy bag joke
But it was shit
Today I learned there are some things you shouldn't slap the shit out of.
One of them being, a colostomy bag.
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This guy was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.
On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf.
He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....
Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!"
"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club, your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life, she will require round-the-clock care and you will be her caregiver! She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon-fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care."
The man broke down and sobbed.
The doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just fucking with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
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Don't shoot the messenger...........I hijacked these off Google! Blame the internet!
;o)
:o)