I hear ya, gal!
This has also been a challenge for dear husband and me. I had my ileostomy in January of this year, and when I came home from the hospital, the last thing I wanted was sex.
In fact, I just didn't feel "sexy," especially since my husband had to empty and change my appliance for the first couple of months because I also had a broken arm with a huge cast. I started thinking of him as more of my nurse instead of my intimate partner.
While the problem was more in my head than his (no pun intended), and he also accepted and loved me just the same, even with my stoma, I still had a lot of mental adjusting to do.
When the cast came off, and I started to look after my stoma myself, I purchased some new lingerie and some Convatec flange "caps." They are very small and don't hold much output, but if I don't eat or drink much, they are fine for those intimate moments. I just didn't want a bulky bag interfering in any way.
These have been a game-changer for me, but everyone is individual and needs to find their own comfort level when it comes to having sex with a stoma. Some folks wear wraps around their middle to keep the bag from showing or flopping around, and that is fine too. You will eventually find your own sweet spot and regain your desire, but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't happen right away. Right now, perhaps, yes your stoma requires all your attention, but I guarantee that with time, it will become less of a "number one" requiring all of your attention.
As others have suggested, just enjoy the holding hands, cuddling, and hugging like you used to. Give each other words of love each night before you fall asleep... when you are ready for more, you can ease into it gradually. There is no set time for regaining one's "sex factor." Oh, and talk about it as much as your husband wants to. It sounds like he's trying to understand where your mind is at, but just can't quite grasp it all yet. That's because no one except yourself can ever know what it's like to have an ostomy. We can, but we're still not in your exact shoes. Don't let yourself feel rushed into doing something you don't feel 100% into yet. The right moment will arrive.
M
xo