Dealing with Hallucinations in Septic Shock

Hi y'all-

I would like to know if any of you who suffered through septic shock from illness or surgery that went wrong had hallucinations during the time you were septic.

While I was in ICU in septic shock on life support, I had horrendous hallucinations. I was chased, beaten, raped, and worse in my mind while this was going on. I felt like I was running and fighting for days. This particular hallucination was so vivid to me that when I woke up intubated, even though I couldn't talk, I signaled to my husband that I wanted a piece of paper and tried through scrawly handwriting to tell him that I was raped.

For the last five months now, if I can get still and not have to get up 6 or 7 times to dump the bag at night - long enough to sleep well into a dream state, this hallucination comes back in my dreams and is very real still. I have started praying that God won't let me dream it anymore.

If this happened to any of y'all, I would like to know how you got through it. How did you sort this out in your mind?

Melissa

I'm not sure if you are on pain medicine or what medicine you are on, but I was getting horrible nightmares or hallucinations that seemed so real I would wake up crying, and found that I was having a reaction to all prescribed pain medicines. I can take them for about 3-4 days with no nightmares, but then they start. In your case, it may not be the pain medicine, but it could be a reaction to (the doctors won't call it an allergy) any medication you are taking. Also, let your doctor know about your output in your bag. I still wake up at least 2-4 times a night, but not 7-8 like I used to. Dehydration can also affect your hallucinations. The gastro. doc gave me a powder to drink, and I watch what I eat more now. The doctor told me my diet could be regular, but a nutritionist put me on a low residue, low-calorie diet which helped be light on the spices, also nothing fried. I hope this helps! I will be praying for you.

Thank you for your sweet words, ladybug! I am not taking any pain meds at all at this point. I don't like that out of control feeling associated with them. Since the hallucinations started, my Dr. has prescribed Xanax at bedtime to help me sleep better - but to no avail! I never even thought about dehydration - but with all that dumping, that might surely be a possibility!!! Thanks for thinking of it!

Not

I did have some rather severe hallucinations while in ICU and suffering from sepsis. Yes, they were rather horrific and real, very real. They gave me all kinds of reasons as to why I had them including as LB says drug-induced and being isolated for a long time (12 weeks in ICU). They did, however, disappear when my condition improved and when I came home.

X_

Not ___

Xerxes is right! As I started to feel better and my body got accustomed to the ostomy, I felt better, also. I had a colostomy bag in June of 2011, and it took me many months to feel better. Then 9 months later, they did a reversal on March 26, 2012, and I got a fistula. I had to have surgery on April 23, 2012, so now I have an ileostomy. Once my body got accustomed to it again, I started to feel better, and the hallucinations would get less and less also. When I would wake up crying, I don't know how you feel about this, but I would start repeating the Lord's Prayer over and over again until I fell asleep again.

Don't get discouraged and lose hope, it will get better!

Living with Your Ostomy | Hollister

I was in ICU a year and a half ago due to renal and respiratory failure not related to my ostomy I got 6 years ago. I saw some weird stuff while all messed up. In my case, I believe I was being shown that there are consequences to what I have done in my life and my own guilt, not that I did anything terrible but..... makes ya think.

When I had to have my emergency surgery, after when I was recovering and coming to, I was sure the birds in the picture were flying around my room and dive bombing my head because I was too close to their nest in the picture on the wall...) I somehow managed to get up out of bed and was staggering down the hall still dodging the birds. Needless to say it was the morphine causing this to happen. After 4 nurses finally got me settled down and back in bed, they discontinued the pump and I was alright then.
Of course NOW I can handle the morphine pump and I do not get reactions like that anymore. The doctor chalked it up to my first time ever having morphine. I was such a newbie then....NOW I'm a pro, I can't even get a buzz on the medications anymore...Was up to taking 8-10 Percocets a day and nothing!!...

Regarding your bout of septic shock. I too went through this after surgery went bad. Spent some time in ICU on some weird drugs (Ketamine) springs to mind. I also suffered hallucinations and to all accounts they must have been quite wild at times because when I came down off the drugs I found I was tied to the bed at ankles and wrists. My hands were also bound to resemble boxing gloves and I couldn't so much as move a finger. My wife tells me I was like this for a number of days. Do recall someone continually shouting out 'Don't touch broken bones'. Turns out that was also me! Also came out of it with a black tongue from a fungal infection so could not talk for a couple of days - which was probably a relief for a lot of people.
Am over it now although reading your account brought back memories.

I thought I was hallucinating but it really was a heart attack.

Wow, 12 weeks in ICU. I am so glad you made it out and have made it home. You must be very, very strong. I had my surgery 6 weeks ago exactly (I went into the OR at 9:15 pm). Recovery was a nightmare, literally, and I had hallucinations while being wide awake. I heard people talking in my left ear and rushing water and noise in my right ear. I wanted to crawl out of my skin and thought that if I got up I could probably fly. These were minor compared to yours. In my case, I think it was the medication for pain that I was getting, and the fact that I was not getting my regular meds (antidepressants and anxiolytics and sleeping pills). My body just could not stand all this change. It took about 24 hours, but once all the pain meds were reduced and my regular meds restarted, things started looking up.
I have not had any nightmares since I have been home, thank goodness.
You might want to look into the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Your body and your mind have been in a place where you probably thought you were going to die (whether you were conscious or not). This can trigger a multitude of different reactions. Find someone you can talk to about this.
I hope you are on the path to wellness. Give yourself time to heal and be gentle to yourself.

As usual, y'all are all so good to me! Yukon - I had a heart event too. Ocker, I was restrained as well after I self-extubated myself and ripped out my main line one night. I have no recollection of this, but I do vaguely remember knowing I was tied down.

The hallucinations were all so frightening that they finally placed me in a medical coma. Those dreams I am having are like a rerun of the hallucinations. I woke up very scared, covered in sweat. It takes me a little bit to realize that I am at home, not being harmed.

Pilgrim, I too think there may be some correlation to a life lesson in the hallucination. Maybe not so much as to what I may have done wrong, but maybe as to why God saw fit to spare my life???

Ladybug, I know about the crying! I wake up crying at night. Or sometimes, just sitting quietly, the tears will begin to fall. I ask the Lord not to let me have these dreams at night, always before I lay down. I want to be like Xerxes, mine STOP!!!

I can certainly empathize with you and all of the others who have suffered violent hallucinations while in ICU following surgery. I had to undergo an ileostomy operation, which went fine, and I woke up feeling good - until the next morning when the nightmare cut in. What really annoys me is that the medical people (who must be aware of the chances of this sort of reaction) gave me no pre-op warning of what might happen. Several times I made panic calls to my wife who understandably got most upset.

Thankfully, once I got out of ICU and off the massive painkiller regime, the hallucinations tapered off and disappeared.

OzzMing

I was in ICU with septic shock for 6 weeks. I experienced hallucinations also. On one occasion when I woke up, I was allergic to everything in my room that was red. They covered or removed all red objects to calm me down. The panic I experienced was difficult to deal with at the time. I could not talk and had to try to explain by communicating by pointing to a sheet of alphabet.
I can remember some of the dreams but they slowly get better with time. My surgery was over six years ago. I did not have access to an ostomy nurse so I had to deal with my ileostomy alone. I was cautious about what I ate but tried to eat a little of most foods until I figured out the best solutions for me. I learned which foods slowed down the discharge.
I get up 2 times during the night. When I wake up during the night, I get up and empty the pouch. I seldom experience appliance failure.
I have learned to manage my system to allow me to play lots of golf and maintain an active social life.

Olming Stancliff, it certainly does help to know that I am not alone! I am 8 months out of emergency surgery (bagged 10/11) and 7 months out of the hospital (came home 11/15/11).

Hi all,

I had some horrific hallucinations throughout my recovery. Like, I thought that I was getting prosthetic hands and feet, and they had to stretch my head so I would not lose any of my height. I also thought that I was in about ten different hospitals, none that really exist. I thought that the nurses were bending and twisting me in half to upset me. Games, all games in my mind.

I think the worst was when I hallucinated that my brother was killed right before my very eyes. And there was nothing I could do to save him. I do not want to get into the details too much, but it was very graphic. Six months out of the hospital, the news came in that my missing brother was dead. The police have not found the body, they say they know where the body is in a rough area. Every time a skeleton is discovered, I always think that it may be him.

My children, nieces, and nephews were instructed not to laugh at all my outrageous stories. God bless them. To this day, they still laugh at that four-month stretch in the hospital. I'd rather not think too much into it, as they were hallucinations. I think it was hardest on my parents.

Take care, Nogutz

Hey, yes I do remember having horrible dreams like that when I was in ICU in a coma. When I woke up, I kept writing asking my mom if any of the stuff I dreamed was true... It did not continue to happen to me, but I do remember things vividly though.

Thank you for sharing this with me, sony34. Looks like quite a few of us were horrified.
Melissa

Nogutz - I am so sorry that your hallucinations were horrible. How surreal that some of it actually turned up in your "awake" world. I will pray for you!!
Melissa

I had an incredible experience, which they blamed on anesthesia and pain meds. All the nurses were talking about a plan in the hall. I swore they were planting bombs in the room above me. I notified the security in the hospital, and they told me I couldn't call them like that, so I notified the state police, insisted the doctor come to my room, told them I wanted to be sent to another hospital immediately. I must have called my husband 40 times that night, and of course he assured me that everything was okay. I hid under the sink in the bathroom, with an open wound, mind you, after I had disconnected the shower head to use as a weapon. I never want to go through that kind of hell again! And I remember every detail of the twelve-hour event!

I hear you, Beaner! Sorry that you have had to walk this road that so many of us have.
Melissa

Ambien caused terrible hallucinations. They stopped after they discontinued it, but I still get nightmares sometimes.

notexpectingthis.  Maybe this isn't the place to attempt to be humorous but please be forgiving as you guys are champions of.  I'm one of you and I've had some hallucinations I think.  In one of my hospital stays I'm certain the lead physician was John Trivolta which was OK until he told the team that the measure of success of the procedure was the length of time I could ride the bull with the tubes in every orifice in mybody.  

One procedure was done at the campsite while the monks were chanting something in Latin.  It sounded exactly like something I heard on a juke box in the Himalayans. I was visited in my hospital room by Anwar Sadat, Chevy Chase, YulBrenner and the Queen of England whom I am told has been an Ostomate for around 35 years.  There have been other visitors and other hallucinations and I don't think they recur when I'm awake.  My wife, however, often asked, ”are you hallucinating?” But I think that was way before I got sick.  

I often wished this whole thing were a hallucination, just a bad dream I'll wake up from.  It's not and I won't because it is what it is.  But we're alive and we'll probably get much better in time. We'll feel better physically, become much wiser and heal emotionally.  We'll still say (only to ourselves, hopefully) “this sucks” but we know it sucks less than it did.  And how much more would it suck if we weren't  Ostomates.  I hope your “bad dreams” go away soon and we could all just go on getting better.  I'm sure this didn't help you at all but I caused me to remember that I'm better off than I could've been so I thank you for that.

Prayers for all.  Mike

I tried to beat up a team of "React" nurses when I was in ICU. I was crashing from having a double thoracentesis (sp?) and 3 MORE drains inserted, plus all the drugs they had given me. I tried to get up off the CT scan table. It took 6 nurses (male and female) to hold me down and strap me back in. I connected a good swing at one of 'em!

The reason I was so angry was that I dreamt I saw my dead brother welcoming me into heaven. In my mind, that meant I was dying and these 6 nurses were the last faces I would ever see. Not my husband's beautiful eyes or my children's gentle smiles. I wasn't ready to go and blamed all the nurses and techs for making me sick. I had just had my emergency surgery and had 5 abscess drains, a wound vac, and my ostomy hanging off my tummy.

lol... I had to face them again a week later. Yes, I offered them my sincerest apologies...

Shrimp - thanks for the warning! I was beginning to wonder if Ambien was a better alternative to Xanax - but MORE hallucinations I DO NOT NEED!!!

Fable3 - I had to call and apologize to the male nurse I kicked in the head - can you believe the strength that terror will give you???

Surely there has got to be SOMEBODY who had to reason with their mind to quit having these things come back as dreams!!!!!! My Dr. said it could take a year up to 2 years for them to stop haunting my sleep. That's just not gonna work - ya know?!?!?!?

When I was sedated, etc., in the hospital, my dreams were like a movie playing in my head - they always picked up where I'd left off in the dream before. Also, sounds in real life worked their way into my dreams.

It breaks my heart that such additional trauma has been added to your experience!

Hi Mellissa

I had sepsis and was in ICU. I, like you, had vivid terrible dreams! They were horrendous. I have only just stopped getting flashbacks 3 years on.
I still think about it and can easily burst into tears. It was an awful experience. I hope I never have to go through it again. I thought one of the nurses had been slapping me on one occasion. I'm still not sure if it was true, to be honest.
The rest of my dreams were about X-rays, big signs flashing up in front of me, and going to hell. Being a soldier in the trenches of all things, they were horrible. It will take time to get over this, but it does get better.
Take care x

Rmgilby - Thank you so much for your support. Were you sedated while on life support?

Crocus - I was fighting too! My husband said the strength I exhibited while fighting off running from my hallucinated rapist was incredible. He said he felt helpless watching me fight because nothing he could say or do would comfort me or calm me down - I wasn't responding to his words. I was off somewhere in a place in my mind where nobody could reach me, he, my mother, father were powerless to do anything but watch and pray. He said my heart rate was soaring and the nurses kept pleading with me to calm down or they would "lose me". Then I had the "right-sided myocardial infarction", a heart attack. So strange how our minds had us fighting during the fight of our lives! I am so disappointed to hear it lasted 3 years for you. I hope I can move past this sooner!!!

The tears do still flow easily. I can hardly stand to speak of it. I don't recall being in "hell" but I do remember a very cold, pitch-black place where I could hear weeping, moaning, wailing, that I was trying to get as far away from those sounds of suffering as possible...running, feeling my way through the darkness for what seemed like days to find a way out at one point. Thank God I made it out - and you did too!!!! I never ever want for me - or you - or any of our other pals to "go" to the places we have been and seen. God bless you.

Melissa

They said they had to keep "knocking me out" (I assume sedation?) because I couldn't tolerate the pain. I kept waking up and screaming, "It hurts! It hurts!"

I have had C-diff, which is poison. I have had many surgeries. The colostomy went well, but the ileostomy and rectal removal were a nightmare! My husband was traumatized watching me in the hospital for many days. All in all, anything you catch or have done to your body is poison, and your hallucinations are real to you! I am very sorry you had to go through this. Time will heal you. This is what I have to say to myself. Doctors say it is post-traumatic stress, and it will take time. I think it's sad that the doctors and surgeons do not give you forewarning because if they did, no one would get on that operating table. 20 years of Crohn's disease, many drugs, and surgeries! Keep going. My best to you!

Wow, glad to hear someone else had the very same experience as myself. I was septic and in an induced coma for 10 days and I felt like I was definitely raped and even saw a doctor with a mask over his face doing it to me. The very first thing I said to my son was I was raped. Of course, no one believes me and they say it was the meds and all, but this is still very vivid in my mind three years later. I am a cancer survivor with a colostomy that is permanent. Best of luck to you, Joyce.