Exploring Intimacy Post-Cancer and Coming Out

Hi everyone!

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I have had my stoma now for 5 years, cancer-free! Praise God! I've been on this site almost that long, and I don't believe I've ever said a word. LOL. Well, here goes... I have not been intimate since my surgery. I do pleasure myself and have been very satisfied just being with myself and a lot of imagination! I do wonder though, if I am really enjoying my sexual life. I was married for 8 years and have 4 wonderful children, but I was still living a lie. Cancer had a way of making me want to be who I really am, so I finally told some family members that I am a lesbian and have been all my life. So now here I am, my body is different, and I don't know how to go about finding a lover. I am very much a homebody and I love it, but I would like to venture out a little. Any low-key ideas?

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Andsoitis.

Hello Andsoitis. I just ran across your post and was surprised no one answered you. I am not a lesbian but I don't feel it makes any difference what your sexual preference is. The point really is companionship and someone to share the rest of your days with. The problem really is being a homebody. It's hard to find anyone if you don't go out. Tada! Enter the internet.

 

It's a bit scary going into these online dating places because - as Forrest's mother said about chocolates - you never know what you're going to get. But if you don't take a bite, you'll never get anything. On dating sites, you can specify whether you are interested in men or women, age ranges, religion, etc. My experience is that the sites "match" you up with the latest registrants and it seems they just do a barrel roll and see whose profile falls out for the "quick matches". But it still gets you out there, with your preferences, to a world of people without having to leave the comfort of your own home. There are free sites and sites you have to pay to even type your name in. Be careful because you will get scammers that will try to get money out of you. Don't ever, ever, ever send anyone money. And don't give out any personal information until you have seen the whites of their eyes. :) A bit drastic but I'm sure you know what I mean.

 

 

Besides the usual, Church outings if it's your thing, ladies quilting bees (yeah, I don't know what ladies really do nowadays and I'm really not that old, but still), my mother-in-law used to go on bus trips to places with groups from the community.

 

Also, have to add, you're way ahead of some of us as I have always been told you have to love yourself in order to be able to be loved by others. Grats!

Hi,

Your best bet may be to start a new post in Intimacy & Dating with a title such as "Looking for Other Lesbians." We previously had a post like that, but unfortunately, somebody disagreed and was rather rude about expressing his disagreement. I, as well as several others, told him off; eventually, it became impossible, and the admin deleted the whole post. It is irrelevant whether I agree or disagree with your lifestyle; you have as much right as I to be here. I don't know whether you have to be a paying member; if so, let me know, and I'll start one.

Ed