Hey guys. I haven't posted in awhile so here's an update. 6/16 ostomy due to diverticulitis, sigmoid colon removed. 1/17 reversal done. 3/16 reversal unsuccessful due to leakage, sepsis and near death thing. Back in bag. 9/17 take down again but wake up to illostomy for reattachment recovery.12/17 went in for illostomy take down and wake up with bag again! Turn's out colon not dilated enough. Since then I've gone through two colon dilation procedure's with another day after to marrow. I'm really, really trying to be patient and go with what needs to be done but waking up with that bag after the last hospital visit got to me a lot. I'm fighting off depression as best I can but its getting tough. After four surgery's my body looks like a 2 year old tried to draw a tic tac toe board on me. I'm not really concerned with how I look, but I am worried about how I feel. I've got a lot of surface pain spot's and numbness. Oh and I don't have to worry about making babies anymore. Thank goodness that's OK by me. Anyhow, I hope this next dilation is the last and I can finally get my bag removed for the last time. Happy new year everybody and god bless.
Hey Irjosh, I'm so sorry to read about all your stuff. I'm not a doctor, and most of what I know about ostomies is from my own experience and what I've learned from folks here. I think you're a heck of a lot stronger than you think. Fighting off depression takes more energy than anyone can imagine unless they've been there. Having had my ostomy for about six years, I'm comfortable with it now and don't really care that so many folks think that's like the end of the world. It's not! Maybe you should just give yourself a break for a while. Heal. Get comfortable with your tic-tac-toe belly and bag. Hey, what do I know? It's easy to tell others what they should do. I'm just trying to empathize from my own experiences, which weren't that pleasant.
By the way, you have every right to be depressed and downright pissed off if that makes you feel any better.
With sincere respect,
Mike
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About seven years ago, just about every aspect of my life was ostomy related. From the moment I was told an ostomy might be needed until some months down the road I existed as a person afflicted with a colostomy. I feared someone other than my immediate family might find out I had a bag. Ugh! What could be worse? Suppose it filled real fast when I was out with no place to hide and take care of myself. God forbid should it leak in church! Suppose I roll over on it in bed. I was a lesser creature, destined to a life of emotional anguish and physical routines different from most of the rest of the world. I felt like a freak. Then I found folks like you guys here, read your stuff, really “listened” to what you had to say and I began looking at things differently. We know perception is everything and I began to understand how good things were relative to what they could’ve been. So many folks had it so much worse than I did. That didn’t make my discomfort go away but it exposed how fortunate I was to be dealing with my stuff and not their’s. I felt a little guilt, maybe selfishness but quickly forgave myself by understanding I just wasn’t smart enough to fix my feelings. Then, I wonder what smarts have to do with feelings. My perception was warped so my perspective toward my existence was warped.
I learned over the last few years with the help of lots of folks right here at MAO that I could be better at living just by accepting some facts. It is what it is and so what? It’s not the worst thing to happen to a person.
I think everything is, in some way, related to everything else. I just put the ostomy thing in the back seat and drive forward.
Respectfully,
Mike
Hey mike. Thanks. Really. I like having someone. It's comforting to know somebody's looking out. It makes me want to look out for others also but I sometimes don't feel worthy to do that. Dumb, I feel. I do want to help other's. I'm going through it too. Fuck!!! I know all of us want to say fuck it, BUT. Fuck!!!!! Damn. fuck. Im just trying to get on with my life like us all.
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