Hi Pixie.
I have had my osteotomy for 10 years now and can still recall the same problem as you have, with great distress. I became a bit of a hermit actually through fear. However, I am well under control now. I changed my diet to low fiber, emptied my bag each time I went to the toilet regardless of how much was in it, used swabs to dry the skin round the ileostomy as thoroughly as possible, wore Tena Lady pants for a while, used a handheld hair dryer at gentle heat round the ileostomy skin to make doubly sure the skin was dry, then sprayed the skin round the ileostomy with Sureprep Rapid Dry no-sting barrier film prior to applying the bag.
Salts Stoma Paste is applied to the bag itself, then I dampen my finger and very gently run it round the stoma paste to level it and make better contact with the skin. I apply it to the stoma, then fix four quarter-moon-shaped Flange Extenders round the edge of the bag. They stick down very well as they are coated with fairly strong adhesive (Lifteez non-sting adhesive removal aerosol is used to painlessly remove Flanges and the bag).
The flanges really are excellent as extra security for affixing stoma bags and they give early warning if the bag is beginning to leak.
I should mention that I am emailing from Scotland, so the stuff I have mentioned might not be available in your area. But if you would like me to email you contact details of the company who deals with my supplies, I would be happy to do that. Also, the National Health Service over here picks up the tab for all medical supplies, so I am unable to supply prices for them. Just know that they have changed my life for the better. I also had the stoma nurse measure my stoma for a new template as our stomas change as our bodies change. In my case, more than a few extra pounds appeared from nowhere!
Forgive me if I am trying to teach my granny to suck eggs, as they say over here. You probably know most of what I have written, but hopefully, you might find something here that will make your life a lot more bearable.
Warmest regards,
Vickilou