I made it to the hospital this morning. I had done my best to prep my mind and body for the surgery. After speaking with the surgeon, the anesthesiologists, and several nurses (including a stoma nurse), we decided that for now, we would put the surgery on hold.
There were a number of factors that led to this decision:
1. I am still battling the flu and have flu symptoms
2. There are several non-surgical options that we can explore 🙌🏼🙏🏼 (there's no guarantee that it will work but we can try)
3. I can feel that mechanically things are improving, slowly but surely.
4. There is a lot of trauma I need to work through.
In my gut, I knew postponing the surgery was and is the right decision for now. I am eternally grateful for everyone's kindness and support. After explaining to them my concerns, anxiety, past trauma, and some of the things I had been doing at home and the work I have been doing with the dietitian.
We agreed that since I am stable now, and seem to be showing some improvement, that we would put the surgery on hold.
I do need a lot of mental health support though, this experience has been nothing short of traumatic. The anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, heart palpitations, and restlessness, along with the pain from the procedures leading up to this point, have taken a toll on me.