Resuming Intimacy After a Colostomy - Concerns and Tips

Hi all. I am 8 weeks post-colostomy and am thinking of having sex again with my husband. I know this sounds silly, but I am worried the bag might break if he puts his weight on me.

It's not a silly question; normally, in the early days, you worry over things.

In an ideal world, try to make sure your bags are empty before you start, but you know what it's like: one thing leads to another, and you don't always have time to empty/change the bag. I'm sure it won't, but if it ever did leak midway through, both of you jump in the shower together, have some fun, and laugh it off; it won't harm your stoma either, with hubby being on top of you. As I've always told new partners when they say I won't jump up and down on top of your stomach, "I always say you better, woman, or I'm out the door," lol.

Enjoy and don't overthink the moment...🍷

It's been four years since my first surgery and I'm still not completely comfortable with it. Guess it will always be in the back of our minds. Same as it will always be in the back of my mind about the possibility of the cancer showing back up. I'm having scans again this Friday and I'm still concerned about them finding something.
I haven't even let anyone see me without a shirt on. Not even my kids.
I guess the only way you will know for sure is to give it a shot. Best of luck.

Go enjoy, your bag will be the same when you're done. 🤭

How to Manage Ostomy Leaks with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

I had the same fear 8 weeks post-colostomy, so I can totally understand your concern :) I just went slow and made sure nothing hurt, and that I didn't have too much pressure from his weight. I always made sure my bag was empty, in fact, I would use a cloth bag during those times (not see-through and no crinkly noises). Don't worry, it will turn out fine!

Just feel it and go with it. Think back to how the two of you showed each other physical attraction, intimacy, and bonded. Don't let the ostomy get in the way of your life. Talk about it and open up about what's holding you back. Plan a night together and just let yourself be free... to feel it all without the worries.

It's not silly at all. I'd wager most of us had these concerns at first. Personally, I wasn't comfortable about sex for weeks after getting my ileostomy. I'm sure your partner is apprehensive too; it's new to our partners also. Their concern might be about hurting us, or like you, worry about something happening to the bag. It's a big change for you both, so talking about it first will help put your minds at ease and make you enjoy each other that little bit more. Like anything in life, overthinking things doesn't always help. Try different positions (a bonus for you both). There are plenty of bag covers out there, and lingerie can be pleasurable. Maybe you could wear some too 😋.

Enjoy!

Good luck on Friday, CB

Prayers that everything will be good.

Like others have said, relax and enjoy.

Hi CB, I totally understand this... I had colon cancer, and any test now fills me with dread. Sending hugs and positive vibes your way for Friday!

Your test results are your mindset. Having the right mindset goes a long way in a person's health. If you want to be healthy with good test results, get that into your mind. Those who mope around and believe they're going to have problems or have the mindset of always having issues will always have a problem.

Hope all goes well. Just relax and enjoy.

Thanks AlexT, tell that to my PTSD 😂

Tell your little buddy Paul Trudeau Samuel Davenport to contact me; I'll talk him right out of you. 😁

Hi! I had my ileostomy over a year ago, and I am still nervous!! I feel so bad for my hubby, because I know he loves me and would never hurt me, but when we do (do the deed), I am overly cautious about where he is and worry if he will crush my bag!! So no, it is not strange that you worry; in fact, it would be strange if you didn't! As for myself, I keep trying, and right now I think the most important thing is to know that the bag is not flipping around all over the place! Put a pretty cover on it, and cover that with something that will keep it secure. I have used a tube-top (don't laugh!) and that really helps! Not worrying about the bag really helps, at least it did for me. Good luck to you, and I am sure you will find a way to enjoy having sex once again!!

Just as an option, Amazon carries waterproof patches to wear in pools, etc., that one could wear instead of a bag if you don't expect any real output (I've heard marshmallows help slow output approximately 15 minutes in advance of big changes).shrugs

Amazon also has an SIIL Ostomy Wrap (it's like a tube top with a hole to hold your bag).

Regardless, things are the way they are, and the point is always and has always been to enjoy!

If you ladies are concerned about your partner's weight crushing your bag, just hop on top and enjoy. 👍

Yes, I agree. There are other ways than missionary.

OP, I know it's been a few weeks; I hope all went well.

For any who come after - we got the clearance from the surgeon and tried at about 7 weeks post-surgery. It was awkward and didn't go super well.

Tried again last night at 8 weeks - used a wrap to hold the bag still (and cover it), which provided light compression to my stomach/incision - was absolutely great. We did not do any positions where he was putting pressure on my stomach.

8 weeks was good timing for me; we tried earlier, and it wasn't quite ideal.

Yes, I have used a tube top also. Very helpful!

Things have finally happened. Unfortunately, I am also disabled, so I am no longer able to go on top. We were both worried but took it nice and slow. It was a bit weird but good nonetheless. Thanks for all your replies.

That is fantastic news and so reassuring to ileostomy and colostomy newbies! Thank you for being so frank about your initial misgivings about having sex. I love how you said, "... it was a bit weird but good nonetheless." Exactly, exactly, EXACTLY!

Everything worthwhile feels a bit weird at first - simply because it is a "first." It's almost as if we're virgins, even though we may have been with the same partner for years.

M

xo