When to disclose ostomy to a date?

When should you tell your date you have an ostomy?

Hello looking forward. This topic has been raised several times in the past and the correspondence can be found in the 'Premium Content' section on this site. However, Having read most of those post myself I can relay the gist of what they say by stating that there is no easy one-size-fits-all answer to your question. A lot will depend on you and the way perceive potential relationships developing (or not). One theory says that there is no point in telling other people about your stoma until it become absolutely necessary. After all, people without a stoma don't jump in and explain how they go for a shit to prospective dates, so why should ostomates do that? Everyone has some sort of baggage in their lives, but very few people want to parade their sensibilities in public. The first theory implies that if a person gets close enough to be told, then it shouldn't make any difference to the way the relationship develops, whether they know earlier or later. However, if the relationship is to go nowhere, then maybe those people should not be entrusted with this information anyway. Another theory is to tell people as soon as appropriate or possible. The concept behind this seems to be that, if the potential partner is put off with that knowledge, then it saves a lot of time effort and emotional investment that might be wasted on shallow and undesirable people. Let then depart sooner rather than later. A lot of these decisions also rely on how much confidence someone has in discussing the issues in the first place. Someone like me would have no hesitation in discussing anything physical, emotional, psychological or social as I find the subjects interesting and educational. My own approach is usually to ask questions in such a way that reflects my genuine interest in knowing what other people think and feel about these issues. It is relatively easy to identify those folks who don't want to discuss these sorts of things because of their non-verbal responses and I would never push the point. Also, by asking questions, it is much more likely that people will share their own problems, rather than be particularly interested in any problems I may or may not have. Most folks love to talk about themselves and be the centre of attention so there is little chance of them wanting to know about me or any problems I may have, whilst they are talking about themselves. I have known some people for years and helped them through some difficult times without them ever enquiring about me as a person. This is the way of the human world and for my part, I am not particularly concerned as to whether someone does or does not want to know me better. A few people are genuinely interested and ask reciprocating questions of me. In these cases, I am only too willing to enter into a mutual conversation involving anything and everything that they might like to investigate. I must admit that most of these conversations are about the psyche rather than the physical but that's what I am most interested in and that's what I find the majority of people have most problems with, whether that is with me or them. As there are very few people who have given much logical thought to emotional and psychological issues, I find that many of my conversations are one way and need to be supportive of their lack of knowledge and experience in these matters. Some are keen to learn and others do not want to go there at all. Whatever suits them , suits me. The fact of having a stoma plays very little part in most of my conversations unless someone brings up the subject in a way that can lead to a 'constructive conversation'.
Best wishes
Bill

Pissing myself laughing

Hi. Another aspect that I found in my situation is that when I say the word cancer, it is a total sorry about that, but I don't want to deal with the fact that the cancer may come back. So it's kind of a double whammy. It makes me sad, but not to the point I'm gonna give up the search no matter how I approach the explanation of how I earned Rudi, my stoma. I think you will just know depending on the person when the right time is. Good luck.

Whenever you think is the right time. Personally, I always told them at the start. It has never been a problem. Don't go into great detail about it. If they don't know much about them, put their mind at ease and tell them it doesn't rule your life or stop you from doing anything.

Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

I have few people in my life that know about my cancer or my ostomy. I have always been the person that supports those folks, having been a case manager in a large oncology practice. I do not like being on the other side, nor do I want to burden anyone with my health issues! I like it that way and it works for me! I am not looking for a relationship, as in dating! Thankfully, I am happily married!

With this said! Everyone is different in their approach to telling others of those health issues! People ask how I am? I am always wonderful! They really don't want to know. It is a nicety! Manners. Some people don't get that and tell you every ache and pain they have ever had! I have never felt that need! I would rather hear about all the great things going on unless I can help somewhere with problems!

Puppy