Living with a Stoma - Do You Hide It or Wear It with Pride?

Sorry Alex, I don't mean to belabor a point, but I'm just not getting what you are saying. If there is a communal shower room with six shower heads, like my local pool has, you think it's weird if I go in to shower when there are already five people showering in there. There is one shower head not being used. Should I not use it? I'm just not understanding here. It's intended to be used by multiple people at a time. What is the set-up in men's changing rooms/showers? Don't they have communal shower rooms? Don't the men use them at the same time? What other way could it work?

Terry

@ Jodie... I'm not quite sure how to put things in perspective as to what you may have missed. You had a very good conversation with Terry, which is pretty much self-explanatory, but I can say we got a cheeky monkey that wants to show off out of the bag just about to anybody. And we got people thinking that it should be done in private. And then you got Bob, and you know the way Bob is?? He's talking about his Walmart and something about it's so remote that even the cops can't find it.

So there's quite a bit you missed. Where have you been, girl??

No, no, not all that. You said something about heels.

Oh... heels... yeah... Bob was talking about strange things seen at his... "his Walmart"... stranger things than osties going naked in public... flashing peeps... so I asked Bob, because we know he likes his hats and heels, if he saw cowboys masked with hats and high heels at his Walmart.

I bet he is a greeter there at Walmart when he's not milking cows on his farm... wearing his heels, I mean his gender bender boots, masked of course, hat on head (see his pic in profile), bag showing a little bit under the shirt.

America's sweetheart.

 

And what's wrong with wearing a cowboy hat?

;O)

Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

So, getting back on topic, I don't mind if someone sees I'm wearing a bag by accident, but I'm a bit skittish about prancing around with my shirt off. Part of that is because the damn bags are skin-colored, and everyone instantly recognizes something skin-colored hanging off you as something "medical." If our bags were black or had a design on them that wasn't Caucasian skin color, most wouldn't even look twice or would look and want one for themselves. I also don't mind showing it to people when my bag is empty. But having mostly liquid output, I don't like parading around shirtless with a water balloon full of shit swinging from my abdomen. It's just not a good look, IMHO, and if I wasn't an ostomate, I don't think I'd enjoy looking at it on someone once I figured out what it was. People would look, waiting for it to leak or explode, like hockey fans always want to see a good fight. So on one hand, I have no problem giving everyone the finger and telling them to mind their own business if they don't like looking at my bag, but on the other, I think of the situation from their point of view as well.

;O)

I wear bag covers so it looks less medical and actually seems to put people at ease a bit more, especially if they find the cover amusing as mine generally are a bit fun.

When I'm at the beach, I'm generally naked so no choice in hiding it, but always make sure it's empty because like you say, no one wants to see a full bag sloshing about.

Hey Alex, so I guess you have decided you're done with this topic. Fair enough, but it suddenly occurred to me that you might just be misunderstanding me. In referring to my use of the pool and showers, I am talking about me before ostomy, not now. I used to use the communal showers all the time and was totally comfortable with being naked with the other female users. That has changed since my ostomy and I now only use the private change/shower rooms. I don't feel comfortable showing off my ostomy to others at all, and I'm in awe of those who are brave enough. It's just not for me.

Terry

Terry, I accept condolences over raising children during this time in the form of coffee 😉. You know, I spent one summer during college doing humanitarian aid work in Kenya and lived in a village for most of the time where my friend and I and the family we lived with were the only non-members of the specific tribal group. There, women not wearing a shirt was the norm. The first couple of weeks I had to keep reminding myself to keep my eyes up walking around the villages. Then it doesn't phase you. The knee and above on a woman had to be covered. We wore wraps over shorts so we could climb on top of the Land Rover and whatever else. One day playing basketball I forgot and pulled the wrap to move better… every male around that compound stopped and I was like 💩. I started getting beaded ‘love' necklaces after that 😂

Wait a minute, I must have missed something. What is gender fluidity? How is gender like water?

I think Terry was just responding to my use of ‘gender fluidity'? You can google the term because that is what I would do… If you would like to wish me condolences for parenting younger kids during this time, you may also send me coffee 😁

I didn't get any notifications till now that there were replies, and I don't normally reread threads if I don't get notifications. I understood what you meant. We will just have to agree to disagree. I think it's weird to shower with strangers, and you think it's fine, no big deal. Have a good day.

Tony, kids/teenagers can be so mean… and stupid. I say the stupid part with all the love in my heart that a mother has. The girls tend to be meaner… they fashion words into weapons and are lethal with who and how they choose to inflict their wounds. Ohio just passed a bill adding a new required curriculum talking about bullying, suicide. My son’s age it’s like their brains are off taking a break somewhere and every response is huh? I am told his friends put on a good polite show in front of me. 😝

I figured it was that today's society didn't know whether they want to be male or female and keep changing how they identify because it's now the cool thing to do.

Yes, Googling is probably a good idea. For what it's worth (which isn't much), my understanding of 'gender fluidity' refers to someone who considers themselves to be neither male nor female and does not want to be referred to as 'she' or 'he'. It doesn't refer to sexuality, and a 'gender fluid' person could be attracted to either sex or even both. If this definition is all wet, my apologies!

Terry

As I said, no right or wrong, just different ways of thinking, from different influences in our upbringing. By the way, I seldom get notifications anymore when something I posted is replied to. I don't know when or why this changed.

Terry

Sounds like quite the experience! As for being a parent in this time, I can't even imagine the challenges. Why is it that girls are so much meaner than boys? It's always been that way. Bullying has always existed, but it does seem that things are worse now than ever. IMHO, social media has a lot to do with it. It allows kids to be mean and vicious in a very impersonal way, much easier than face to face. It can escalate so easily as it's so easy to just 'like' what someone else has already said.

Terry

 

@ Bob... Wearing a cowboy hat is fine, dude... or dare I say dudette when you wear heels? Hmm?

@ Jodie... Who died? What's up with condolences and coffee? Did I miss something?

Tony, not that I know of... The condolences = me raising children in our current culture. And who wouldn't want coffee with condolences? Anytime is a good time for coffee, IMO.

Hmm... condolences? Hmm, I would offer my sympathy to parents today dealing with kids today... empathy to a degree.

We were never our children at their age... nothing a strap or shoe couldn't fix... of course, today we would be arrested practicing that on our kids today.

No, coffee would not do... perhaps a Jack and Coke... or tequila... yes? Yes!

Sympathy may or may not come with coffee, condolences-coffee (see how they go together?). I had to look back to see what the original post was… couldn't remember if it was about being naked and showing off a bag or wearing something and showing a bag but not being naked. Big difference.

Sorry. Lost my mind. You had me at being naked. 🙈

I think the issue with nudity among the young is the Internet. Secret videos and photos get posted online. Kids are more savvy about this than we are.

We all adapt and get comfortable with our stomas. Flashing it around with the public is rude. Most people (particularly women) will get grossed out by the sight of a reddened protruding stoma. People see my Stealth Belt in warm weather or the gym. Not my "little buddy." At McDonald's: Anyone want to watch my stoma bark and spit?

Eric the Vegan Ostomate

My ostomy bag pokes out of the top of my pants, so I have shown my nieces and nephews the bag as well as my scars. They think I'm tough and cool too lol.

I feel beautiful even though no one has seen me naked, scars and all, because my body is an amazing, adaptable, and capable tool! I don't feel like I lost anything important and feel blessed to still be here and thriving. I will wave my ostomy flag proudly!

My ostomy bag pokes out of the top of my pants, so I have shown my nieces and nephews the bag as well as my scars. They think I'm tough and cool too, lol.

I feel beautiful even though no one has seen me naked, scars and all, because my body is an amazing, adaptable, and capable tool! I don't feel like I lost anything important and feel blessed to still be here and thriving. I will wave my ostomy flag proudly!

Where exactly is this place where women go topless all the time? Just want to make a mental note in case I'm ever out that way. No, really.

;O)

Good morning. You should not worry about your stoma, and we all come to terms with it in our own way. I am still the same person as before, and your thoughts on this are positive, and that's great 🙏👍

Don't know how I missed this, Bob… but Kenya… head about a 2-day drive northeast-ish from Nairobi (Land Rover type vehicle - will need the snorkel if there during the rainy season, dirt roads)… not sure if there is still a makeshift sand strip there or not, or I'd just tell you the name of the village 😁